I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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