remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
