but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
