I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
