my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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