I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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