Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
