Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
