guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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