dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
