Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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