She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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