i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
