where am i from again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
