So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
