The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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