I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
