she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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