I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
