I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
