Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Girls should come with a carfax report
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
