Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
