I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
