..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
