well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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