So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
