i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
