quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
