Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
