I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
