I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
