We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
