my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
