Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
