first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
