she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
