and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
