You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
