there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
