I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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