i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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