The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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