I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
