I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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