Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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