I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
