So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
