Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
