Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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