just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
