I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
