Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
