My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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