I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
