I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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