I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
