Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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